Awkward

Unfortunately, this week has not gone as I would have liked it to.  I had envisioned producing something I had never done before, however through a twist of fate and time constraints I was unable to  produce the piece for this week.  This twist unfortunately damaged my concentration, and produced a large amount of anxiety and irritability that I could not release, which lead to my self-destruction this evening.  I feel that this was compounded by lack of sleep, bad diet choices and just recently getting over a nasty sinus infection.
I am growing concerned in other areas as well with my art, I seem to be losing some of my enthusiasm and interest in my art.  I cannot tell if it is from the long winter break I took and did not produce any new work or something else.  I do seem to be having trouble finding an artist with work that interests me, recently I have been trying to find a Native American artist who could teach me to create work that references more of my Cherokee heritage.  Honestly I still feel like the white tourist walking around a reservation, claiming to be a member when I don't look the part.  Perhaps it is something as simple as trying too hard but I am not sure.  I am still hopeful that next Wednesday, 3/5/14 I will be able to produce a piece that will get me enthusiastic again.

Lately the "Senior year" feeling has made me very uncomfortable, I feel as if there is not enough time.  I wish I had not used up all my productive energy last semester.  I guess I am fearful of what will happen "after Linfield".  I hate not knowing what is going to happen and I am not a very patient person.  I feel as if I had just started getting a hold of my work and was just starting to go somewhere with it, then BOOM in three months I will be finished.

Anyway these are my thoughts.